just like you

I used to be thoughtful

but now i am just like you.

I used to be encouraging

but now i am just like you.

I used to be good at calling

but now i am just like you.

I used to be good at sending funny or encouraging cards

but now i am just like you.

I used to be good at texting good morning

but now i am just like you.

I used to be good at responding to your facebook status updates

but now i am just like you.

I used to leave voicemails wishing you a great day or a great weekend

but now i am just like you.

I used to be helpful

but now i am just like you.

I used to be good at coming to your aid

but now I am just like you.

***

I used to be all about other people

but now i am just like you.

Now, I'm all about myself.

just like you.

/  (rant- follow

-ing )

I used to be that guy that volunteered  to help people move before they even asked my assistance,

All they had to do was to say that they were moving and before I realized it I'd open my big mouth and offer my services- for free, no matter how much of an inconvenience it was, despite the fact that every single time I've moved I have had to beg and still I had to pay for movers at the last minute because no one ever showed up.  Every single time.

You're stressed out because of work or school or some other personal drama? While shopping I found cards that would make you smile and I'd mail them to you. Don't bother to call me to tell me that you loved the cards or anything or that you even received them. Not once.
Your son, daughter, nephew, or niece needs someone to complete a survey for school or you need for me to vote for them? Ask me, I'd gladly do it, and I did it right away. I used to be that guy that bought boxes and boxes of girl scout cookies when friends would tell me their daughter was selling them (and I can't stand stand them things ) but when I'm offering my short stories for sale at 99 cents a fucking download  on amazon I can't even get 3 people to download one of them. 

I'm a cook, and baker. You tell me you love cake, cupcakes or pies? I'd find out your favorite kind and I bake it for you for free. I put it in a pretty box, tie a purple ribbon around the box and drive all the way to the other side of town and deliver it to your house. Fresh from the oven, on your birthday or for Christmas Eve so that you can share it with your family and friends for free,  and I can't even get a birthday call at the very least. And I have to treat myself to breakfast lunch dinner and a movie for my birthday.

It's Christmas? Let me spend an hour calling each loved one to personally tell them Merry Christmas. You're not available and I get a voice mail? Ok, I'll leave a message. Do you ever call back? No. 
Your full time job was reduced to parttime and you got evicted from your apartment and need a place to stay for a couple months? You can sleep on my sofa for as long as you need. You don't even have to ask. I insist on being the one to help you. A year later you finally get back on your feet and move out. You have a party to celebrate your new job and you don't invite me, who fed you and gave you lodging?

Your mom or dad or sibling or your dog  is very ill and you need a shoulder to cry on? Here's my shoulder. Cry all you want. I'll periodically make calls and follow up to see how they're doing. But when my pet is very very ill you don't even bother to follow up to see how she's doing.

You need someone to talk to at 2 in the morning ? Don't hesitate to call me. I'll see your name on my caller id and I'll answer it on the second ring, but when I'm stranded in a blizzard and the tow truck would tow my car to some mechanic shop but wouldn't drive me beyond the mechanic shop to my home, I can't reach you because you turn your ringer off at 10 o'clock.

For your birthday, I've traveled across the country and surprised you by showing up at your door with a dozen long-stemmed roses and have had to stand and wait, with the roses in my arms, for 30 minutes because when I showed up you were in the middle of church-gossiping with a friend on the phone and you don't like to be interrupted.

I aint doing shit. Anymore. 

I'm gonna be just like you. (and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and-

I won't bring this to your attention. You'll deny it.

I'll just be quiet about it.

need someone to help you do something?

Don't call me.
imma be just like you


I'm not initiating another damn act of kindness. Intentional or ramdom.
I'm only gonna respond to it,
which won't occur.


you'll see a change in me.


you're stranded and no one can rescue you?
don't call me. \
need someone to talk to?
I'll call back, weeks, maybe even a month later, when it's convenient.

 

(and if you ask why you haven't heard from me lately, read this poem)

Alexgeorge

let's just lay here

(let’s  just
 lay here)
 the sun is shining through the blinds

a new day is threatening to make itself known
(
let’s
just
lay here    )

we’re always so busy
(let’s just  )

& do nothing
absolutely nothing
the world outside our door doesn’t exist until we acknowledge it.
(You do know that once that door opens
We become mom and dad again)
for one Saturday morning
can we just pretend our bedroom has no door?

(let’s  just

For a minute
Let’s not touch each other.
We have what we have always dreamed of having
There’s no need to savor the moment.

You have me,
Forever.

I’m  not going any where

So, let’s just lay here.
With eyes shut
I can feel your eyes burning a hole through my eyelids.
okay

your hands are moving across my face
like a blind woman who has just gained her sight.

recognize the touch?

Feel my lips form a smile?

It’s you.

And I am not going anywhere.

I’m here,

As I have always been.

(You have me)

So, let’s just lay here for a while.
We have all day

Is that cool?

of u

until now.

until i heard

the softness of your voice

i never heard music.

until i saw

the brightness,

the warmth of your smile

i never saw beauty.

until i felt

the heat of you next to me

i never felt needed.

until i smelled

the light floral sweetness of your perfume on your body

i never smelled passion.

until.

& until

the sweetness (until

now)       i

tasted of you

your sensuous full lips

have i kissed before you.

and until you i  have never lived

what shall i call you?

What shall I call you

you

i see

from the soles of your feet

to the crown of your head;

i

like/love

what i see.   can i

can i

touch

the contours of your full lips

with mine

softly

then like a blind man

who has never kissed before

and likes  what/

who

he’s kissing?

what shall I call you

when

beautiful

does

not

even

begin

to

describe

the

dimensions

of

you?

Scorpio: I'll come back harder next time

(for Jeffrey P.)

a smile is not always what it appears.

calmness can be false luxury.

don’t blink

or get too comfortable.

I’ve learned that

words mean

nothing unless they are followed by action.

because i am a gentle man

                       a passionate man

                       a God-fearing man

                       a good man slow to anger

don’t mistake me for someone who will get his ass kicked without a fight, with a smile on his face.

i won’t close my eyes.

& i won’t turn a deaf ear.

u will heed my desire to be respected,

and u will not raise a fist.

better yet, i will be as non-existent to you as i am to your family.

i won’t walk around on egg shells.

I am a man.

i am a gentleman

         a passionate man

         and a good man,

so be careful.

don’t close your eyes.

i will surprise you;

you don’t know my history.

you have no idea what i am capable of.

sshhh-

hear that?

(the sound of someone’s bare hands  cracking your skull)

i’m harder than u think i am.

(I really am)

shall I prove it?

good friend. worst enemy. your choice.

it is only God that i fear.

Blues Away

(you

can’t take my blues away

no matter how hard you try.

You can’t take my blues away,

no matter how hard you try/ long as I got a voice to sing)

                                              until I lay down and die,

                                              you can’t take my blues away

                                              no matter how long you try.

excerpt of an unsent letter for the first president bush , 1989

enter the prez

he,

back from kennebunkport

(sure he and barbie had a good time)

look out the window!

(mr president, sir)

we aint got no summer home.

we,

we lucky

to have a run-down shack

one for every season

of every year

but we can dream,

can’t we?

of the homeless and the beggars.

of the farmers and the college valedictorians

driving cabs,

flipping burgers,

bagging groceries

filing for bankruptcy.

of social insecurity.

but give to other nations,

it’s okay!

isn’t it?

mr. prez,

do you like what you see?

do you really see

a kinder, gentler nation out there?

where

oh where,

art thou?

come on,

mr. president.

sir.

your highness

your majesty.

(let me stand up as you enter the room.

                                                                                                now, let me wait for permission to be seated.)

look out the window.

catfood is a delicacy for some.

beggars are begging.

the starving are starving

in your own backyard.

not in space.

is your obliviousness

fact

or

fiction?

you vomit up a story to feed us.

                To pacify us.

                                                (but my eyes have never been covered)

must we believe that racism is a thing of the past?

that poverty

illiteracy

bigotry

the uninsured

is on the decrease?

mr. president,

the usa is not kansas.

prez,

this is not the land of oz.

if you click your heels

one two three times---

                                ---the rich will still get richer

and the poor will still get poorer.

you will still have your summer home,

and we will still have our run-down shack,

if we’re lucky.

Affirmative Action

Khadija  Tunisha  Jenkins keeps checking white on job applications

even tho’ both

her parents  r black as midnight;

she aint white!

and don’t she know that

when they call  her

(despite the name, they Will call her since they think she’s white!)

they’ll  take  one  look at her

and

her

interview’ll

be

over

quicker

than

i

can

end

this

poem?

Broke/ can't fix

Take a  beating.

Take it rough.

Take it till you’ve

Had enough.

A face-slapping;

That’ll do.

Take it ‘til you’re

Black and blue

Take a scalding.

Take it hot.

Take it ‘til it

hurts to squat.

Take many insults

But don’t shed a tear

There’ll be plenty more

Throughout the coming years

Take all of the above

And seal them with a kiss.

God bless you

If you can live through this.